Engaging a full-service sex worker is an experience that should be exciting, fulfilling, and FUN. Over a course of time, you may come across a provider (or providers) who you choose to see regularly, which allows an element of familiarity and intimacy beyond a one-off engagement.
It’s really important to understand as a client that, if you choose to see a companion on a regular basis, you need to ensure your chosen companion is shown your support and respect. They are providing you with an intimate service, which you enjoy so much that you wish to continue to engage their time on a regular basis. There are many ways that you can do so successfully while maintaining a more personalized, yet respectful relationship – and unfortunately, many ways in which that familiarity may see you overstep the boundaries of the provider-client relationship.
I hope the following gives you some meaningful ideas of how you can support your favourite providers well, without overstepping boundaries and maintaining a respectful demeanour. Remember that full-service sex workers are human beings who deserve to be treated with the utmost dignity.
Your ongoing patronage
When you first make a connection beyond what you may have considered when engaging a provider, it’s normal to have a range of feelings – excitement, desire, anticipation for the next meeting… all great reasons to pursue an ongoing provider-client relationship.
It is easy in your excitement to possibly engage in behaviours that can be seen as overstepping the boundaries of this relationship, from the provider’s point of view.
Requesting discounts, requesting services that are not offered by the provider, expecting the provider to be available on short notice, continual texting, calling or leaving voice messages – these are all huge oversteps of the provider-client relationship. Continuing to see you if you engage in such behaviours is very difficult for an escort – they offer paid companionship and it is VITAL that you remember that you are not in a romantic relationship.
Many providers (myself included) have needed to cut off regular clientele who push these boundaries – it makes us extremely uncomfortable to receive ongoing communication, to be pressured to offer discounts etc. – this is incredibly disrespectful behaviour.
To maintain respectful patronage of your favoured provider, show the companion the respect they deserve within their work.
So – how can I show my appreciation without being seen as disrespectful?
This will differ from companion to companion, but there are many ways that you can show your support to the provider that will be much appreciated.
- Continue to maintain respect – DO NOT push boundaries! To maintain a rewarding and long-term connection with your favourite provider, ensure you understand their hard limits both during your time together, along with outside this time (see above). Respect this and you can ensure the longevity of your connection.
- Gifts – many providers maintain wish lists. If you would like to show your support with a gift that will be truly appreciated, check the companion’s advertisements and/or website for a wish list. This may also assist you to learn more about your favourite provider’s interests, offering the opportunity for social engagements that you can both enjoy.
While grabbing a box of Celebrations at the supermarket is easy, it doesn’t show thought or consideration of your escort – for example, does the escort enjoy chocolate? Are they lactose intolerant? Are they vegan? Are they committed to health and fitness? Remember – a more intimate, ongoing relationship should see you getting to know the provider’s interests.
- Tip without expectation – if you wish to show your gratitude, providing a financial boost without expectation of preferential treatment is always a kind gesture. If you tip in restaurants and don’t tip your provider – why not?
- Make pre-bookings and send deposits without reminders – there’s nothing that shows that you understand that you respect an escort’s time more than contacting them within their business hours to pre-book your time together and by sending a deposit promptly, once the appointment is confirmed. You should never expect your preferred companion to make themselves available to you on short notice or without deposit, because you are a regular client. You would not consider this as being acceptable in any other industry, so to maintain a great relationship with your preferred companion, don’t expect preferential treatment. Also – remember that escorts are often busy, so don’t expect an immediate response to your contact.
- Support during COVID 19 lockdowns – sex workers have been hit INCREDIBLY hard by the pandemic. Many have not qualified for sole trader grants on the basis of the nature of the work we provide (which has certainly been the case in Victoria and also from Federal funding models). You can support your preferred provider by sending deposits for future face to face meetings or engaging with them online, such as enjoying paid online dates or subscribing to your provider’s OnlyFans, AVN Stars etc. if they are offering this service.
Remember – your favoured provider is just as stressed and worried as you are, they are not qualified counsellors and it is in poor taste to message them to ‘check in’ without recognising that you need to pay for this time – while it’s not face to face, you are still engaging with your provider and it is very disrespectful to expect them to support you, without financial recompense.
- Support steps toward full decriminalisation – you may not be aware, but New South Wales is the only state in Australia where sex work is decriiminalised (still with conditions attached), with other states working under a patchwork of laws which differ from state to state. South Australian workers were denied the right to work legally recently after decriminalisation bills were not passed as State legislation, meaning that they continue to work illegally in the eyes of the law. In Victoria, our current push toward decriminalisation has been severely delayed due to COVID, with the bill well overdue in being debated in parliament.
Be an ally – write to your local member of parliament expressing your support for the passing of such legislation, support peer-run organisations such as Scarlett Alliance with financial donations to assist in costs to bring decriminalisation to fruition, along with bringing these efforts to the consciousness of your family and friends – because decriminalisation will not only benefit sex workers (and clients) but reflects changing societal attitudes to sex work.
Following the steps above can ensure that you continue to enjoy the companionship of your chosen provider well into the future.
Phoebe Mae xoxo